Crackout Blackout

I attended a junior society benefit for a Spanish dance company with a Cinco De Mayo theme a few years ago. I was supposed to meeting a friend but she wasn’t feeling well so I was flying solo. I called another friend, Cable Guy, who lived near the club where the benefit was being held to see if he wanted to come. He started a very successful cable network and had a house nearby. He said he was having some people over for drinks at his place that night so he couldn’t come but he wanted me to come by after the benefit. I didn’t want to stay out late since it was a week night but I told him I might stop by.

I arrived at the club where the benefit was being held all decked out in a gorgeous limited edition dress that looked like it was made for me. I didn’t know anyone there but I had decided I was going to network and had a tiny purse full of business cards. I was a little nervous to introduce myself to people but I knew once the dancing started I wouldn’t be alone for long. I drank while I was working up the nerve to start a conversation. I tried not to drink too fast but I didn’t have anything else to do. One drink turned into two. I found a few people to talk to and finally the dancing started. I danced for a while with my new friend and then we were hot so we hit the bar. Again.

I was getting tipsy after three margaritas in a span of two hours. The tipsier I was, the sassier I got. I found a young guy sitting by himself about 20 minutes before the benefit was over. I decided that I would ask him to dance. He was a little shy and I told him not to be. Young Guy and I were dancing and talking. I was having a good time. He asked me for my number and I gave him my card, one of many I had handed out that evening.

Once the benefit was over I teetered over the cobblestones in my super high heels to my friend’s place. It’s a wonder I didn’t fall on my face. I told myself I wouldn’t stay long. It was weeknight after all. I really wanted to see my friend. I hadn’t seen him in months. Then I would go home.

I got to the party and he was nowhere to be found. I was talking to some very nice people and they offered me a drink. I said no, I wasn’t drinking anymore that night. Then a little while I decided to have a little wine. I kept looking for my friend and every time I found him he disappeared into the crowd. So I grabbed an empty chair to rest my aching feet. An older guy sat down and started talking to me. I really didn’t want to talk to him but I did want to sit down. I gave him my card because it was networking night and I had lost my common sense with the third margarita. Someone came by with a couple of drinks and offered me one. I took it thinking it would maybe make this annoying old guy disappear. It was really good so I drank it quickly and when he came by again half an hour later I got another one. Needless to say I was flat out drunk by this time. The next thing I knew the old guy I was talking to was making out with me. I didn’t want to but I wasn’t sure how to make it stop in my drunken state. Finally I got him off of me and went outside for some fresh air.

I went back inside and was taking lots of pictures. I asked someone to take a picture of me in my hot dress. I started doing all these drunken poses and then they dropped my camera on the floor. I picked it up to survey the damage almost falling on the floor myself. The lens was stuck out and it wouldn’t go back in. I tired to push it but it wouldn’t go back in. I was devastated. I didn’t leave the house without my camera. This sobered me up a little bit and I remembered I still hadn’t talked to my friend. I was ready to go home and cry but I at least had to say hello to him first.

I finally found him and we started having a conversation. After we had been talking for a while I realized that everyone had left and it was just the two of us. We were both leaning up against the wall in the kitchen chatting. The next thing I knew he was making out with me.  I couldn’t believe it. I really didn’t think I was his type and he was 40 years older than me. Two older guys had tried to take advantage of me in one evening. It was time to leave. Somehow, I got control of myself and told him I needed to go home. I looked for my coat and it was gone. Someone had stolen my favorite coat! My camera, my honor and my coat were all gone. I was incredibly upset. He gave me one of his coats and walked me downstairs to get a cab.

I got in the cab and thankfully it wasn’t a long ride. I was almost home, then I leaned over and started puking in the back of the cab. The driver started grumbling and cursing and I instinctively held up the $20 I had in my hand over the partition while I continued to puke. Once I stopped I told him to just pull over and let me out. He obliged and I handed him the $20. I hobbled a few steps to a lamppost and put my hand on it to steady myself and then puked again. Finally having it all out I dragged my sorry ass back to my apartment.

The next morning I woke up and sleepily looked at the clock. It was 10:30 AM. I was supposed to be at work 2 hours ago. Oh god. I threw on a robe and ran to brush my teeth and wash my face quickly. As I was washing my face the doorbell rang. “What NOW?!” I thought as I ran to answer it. There were 10 people outside of my apartment. They needed to check a leak. I was so pissed. “You have to come back in half an hour!” I shouted. I slammed the door and quickly threw on some clothes. I didn’t even know what time I got home last night. I obviously hadn’t turned on my alarm.

I ran downstairs and it was pouring rain. So helpful. I got in a cab and called work to tell them I had overslept and was on my way. After I hung up the phone I realized that they were taking me out to lunch that day for a belated Administrative Professionals Day gift. Because I was “such a great find” and “so good at what I did.” Oh my god. It was only getting worse as the taxi meter ticked off the miles.

I finally arrived at work. The news anchor on the television at my desk was wearing a neon green shirt and I had to look away. I was still a little drunk and the colors were going to make me sick. We were leaving for lunch soon. I really didn’t want sit close to my co-workers for an hour and the last thing I wanted to do was eat but I had no choice.

I survived lunch and their teasing and was starting to feel a little bit better. I checked my email that afternoon and I had a message from Young Guy asking me out. I had no idea what I’d said to him and was embarrassed so ignored it. Twenty minutes later I got another email this time from the older guy whose name was apparently James. “I was kissing your lips and then you disappeared into the night…” OH MY GOD! I remembered I made out with two older guys! Could it get any worse? Oh yes, it could. My leg started itching so I rolled up my pants to see why. There was a huge gash on my knee that I hadn’t noticed in my rush to get out the door. It all came back to me. I was walking out of Cable Guy’s house and I tripped and fell flat on my face in my drunken state. I guess I scraped up my knee in the process. I was horrified.

As the day wore on I realized the potential for more disaster. Had I puked on my brand new limited edition dress or shoes? Could my camera be fixed? I couldn’t even access the pictures to put together the forgotten pieces of the night. I finally escaped the office and ran to the camera shop conveniently located across the street. There was nothing they could do to fix it. They said I would have to send it off to the manufacturer but it would be cheaper and worth it to just buy a new one. I didn’t know what to do. I never left the house without my camera and I couldn’t afford to buy a new one. I only had that one for six months.

I raced home after the bad news almost sick again about what might have happened to my brand new amazing dress and shoes. I looked around but I didn’t see them anywhere. I went to my closet to find that even though I was extremely inebriated I not only managed to avoid my dress and shoes in the process of puking but I also hung up my dress, put my shoes back in their box and my little purse back in it’s protective bag. Whew. I sighed a sigh of relief thinking it was all over and went to my bed to pass out.  Little did I know that this evening would haunt me for an untold amount of time.

Three days later, I got another email from Young Guy telling me that I had helped him to overcome his shyness and I shouldn’t be the shy one now. I still ignored him completely embarrassed at my drunken behavior. I just wanted the madness to stop.

Eight months later I was at Cable Guy’s home again for a party. I brought along a friend for protection and gave myself a two drink maximum. I was talking to some friends and I saw a guy I remembered from the night of debauchery. I remembered he was nice so I struck up a conversation with him.  He said that he tried to email me afterward but I never got back to him. “Oh you did? I don’t remember that.” Then it all came rushing back. I had mistaken his email as being from another older guy. I didn’t even remember kissing him! THREE older men had taken me advantage of that night not just two! Stunned, I said I had been really busy and was horrible at emailing people back. I politely left the conversation and dragged my friend upstairs into a bathroom to tell her the latest and make sure I wasn’t having a nightmare. After she finished laughing hysterically I noticed a pair of lacy panties on the sink. Cable Guy lived alone and was known to be a ladies man. I looked at my friend and said “Well, at least I made it out with my underwear!”

- Submitted by Drunken Debbie

Image via flickr tantra9360

Filed under: I don't remember, Uncategorized, mix it up, red wine, tequila, vodka by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: celebrate • cinco de mayo • club • crackout blackout • dancing • debauchery • drinking for charity • drunk • holiday • make out • margaritas • older men • tequila

I am going to a hockey game so i needed some pre hockey game beers, so I stop at the pub by my house and grab a 6 pack.

We get to our seats with about 5 minutes left in the 1st period. I sit down and next to me there is a kid about 10 yrs old with a tube coming out of his nose…..This scares me as I am the most belligerent drunk that I know, and I don’t want to yell something and have this kid break down and die of a heart attack. So the first intermission comes, and I go out to get a beer and have a smoke.

So I am now feeling pretty good after about 6 beers and it was safe to say that I was well on my way to being drunk. So out in the smoke pit I see a big commotion and 10 security guards running that way, me being a sucker for entertainment followed. This guy apperently took a shot at one of the security guards so 10 of them wresteled him down in the biggest puddle they could find and while wrestling him down they bumped into me and spilled half my beer. This made me angry. So I decided they might as well finish it so I dumped the rest of all over the 5 or 6 guys that were on the ground. This made me feel a little better. Watching this guy on the ground covered in beer with 4 officers on top of him while people watching are screaming “Rodney King, Rodney King!” was highlight #1 of the night.

So after this we go back to our seats, and I tell my friend to take my seat so I don’t scare the kid with the tube up his nose. So the game goes on and the beer goes quick. Ryan Kessler gets the puck and I yell out “Your not worth 1.9!” as that is what he is getting paid this year and the guy in front of me tells me to shut up as he is trying to watch the hockey game. I tell him to shove it. This, my friends, is what is called foreshadowing: I get pissed off at him as I am at a a hockey game and I can be as loud as I want. So as the game goes on I get louder and louder and closer and closer to this guys ear. He is visibly annoyed. More hockey and a lot more beer pass and this guy has had it with my antics. He stands up and I really forgot what he said but after he said it I pushed him over his little railing and he fell on the people in front of him. I almost burst out crying I was laughing so hard! Highlight #2 of the night. The lady next to me was also in tears as she seen the whole thing and thought this guy had it coming. I don’t remember the score but it was a good time. My head really hurt the next morning but not nearly as much as the other guy. At least that’s what I like to think.

~submitted by Wasted Willy

Filed under: beer by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: beer • celebrate • drunk • hockey • late nights

Maybe you played the State of the Union drinking game last night. If you did I imagine you have a nasty hangover. Hangovers suck. There are so many hangover remedies out there. Here are some natural remedies you may not have heard of that work pretty well.

Umeboshi plums are plums pickled with salt. If you eat one after drinking too much it helps get rid of the hangover effects.

Kukicha Tea is a twig tea that also has centering properties. It does have some caffeine but not as much as coffee. You can drink it with some umeboshi plum paste or slice up a little bit of an umeboshi plum and put it in the tea. Make sure you let it steep for five minutes and drink all of the tea so you get the plum which normally settles at the bottom. I’ve seen it transform people who have had a few too many martinis.

Baking soda can be used in a couple of ways too. You can put a 1/4 of a teaspoon of baking soda in a 1/4 of a cup of water, stir it up and drink it. You can also soak in a tub with baking soda. It helps to draw out the toxins in your body from the excess alcohol.

Peppermint tea throughout the day helps with digestion.

Lavender has many uses in hangover cures. You can drink lavender tea or use lavender essential oils in an aromatherapy diffuser or in a hot bath. It will help you sleep and soothe your muscles. This is especially helpful if your path to destruction involved dancing.

I asked Bethenny Frankel last year what her favorite natural hangover remedies are and she said that Synergy kombucha and Emergen-C were her favorites, “But sometimes you just have to suffer.”

This is true. Sometimes you just have to suffer.

What are your favorite natural hangover remedies? And as always, we’d love to hear how you got to that hangover in the first place! Email us your stories info@crackoutblackout.com.

Filed under: I don't remember, beer, brandy, champagne, gin, long island ice tea, mix it up, red wine, rum, sake, sangria, shots, tequila, vodka, whiskey, white wine by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: Bethenny Frankel • cures • drinking games • hangover • hangover remedies • kukicha tea • too many drinks • too much to drink • umeboshi plums

The best part about celebrities is knowing that they’re people too. Heck, why would they call it Us Weekly? Stars ARE just like us. They pump gas just like us. They get trashed just like us. Cracked.com (not a sister site, but they sure could be given the name) has the 11 Most Unintentionally Poignant Drunk Celebrity Videos. Topping the list? The Hoss’ failed attempt at the Truffle Shuffle with some choice burgers. And…GIN! Watch below:

To read more click here.

Filed under: gin by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: celebrities • drunk • funny

It was ladies night and the girls and I were having a fabulous time a bar downtown. We were dressed to the nines and drinking sangria. There was a DJ and he was playing some awesome 80’s music so we started dancing. We could never dance for long unnoticed and our ladies night turned into a flirt fest.

Some gorgeous guys came and rescued us from the creepers who were trying to bump and grind. They were very nice and we had a good time dancing. We got really hot after a while so one of the guys bought us a couple more pitchers of sangria. So we drank and danced until we couldn’t feel our toes. We were all pretty trashed by the end of the night. Somehow through my alcohol fueled fog I managed to type “Hebnry” into my phone along with his number and added a date for the next Friday into my calendar.

I forgot about “Hebnry” until Tuesday when I was making my weekend plans. I saw the date in my calendar and remembered that we had a good time. I texted him and asked him if we were still on and he said yes and to meet him at Schiller’s at 9:30 on Friday.

I was looking forward to my date all day Friday. Then once I got to the bar I realized I had gotten so trashed I couldn’t remember what he looked like. Luckily he remembered what I looked like but he couldn’t remember my name!

- Submitted by Drunken Debbie

Filed under: brandy, red wine, sangria by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: bars • dates • drunk • funny • ladies night

The art of sexting is a crafty one. It takes finesse. It takes skill. It also takes a bit of luck and some foresight. Luckily the boys over at an awesome site called F My Liver have come up with these surefire ways to sext a girl when you’re about to crackout and blackout. Just be sure to place your bid before you go all unconscious.

Calling a girl this late at night comes off as too obvious and can quickly backfire.  She’s going to ask you all those annoying questions like, ‘Why didn’t you call me earlier if you wanted to see me?’.  And she’s going to be able to hear just how fucked up you are when you’re hiccupping and your friends are calling you a homo in the background.  If you’re still at the bar, you’re not going to be able to hear each other anyway. Reverting to a text is the best solution here as you can save some face if she doesn’t respond.  But you need to make sure that you spur interest.  You’re not the only one trying to score, so you need to stick out from the crowd.  The “Wat r u up 2?” isn’t going to cut it this late at night.  Let me also recommend that you text a few girls earlier in the evening.  Simply asking what they are doing that night will show that you were thinking about them sober.  This will improve your chances of meeting should you happen to drunk text them.  So without further ado, here are my top 5 sexts to send to girls when you’re blasted.  These are in no particular order:

“Hey, could you grab milk on the way back?”

You’re probably wondering what the hell this has to do with hooking up.  Stay with me.  Once you text this to a girl, she’s going to send back, ‘What?’  Then you can reply, “Sorry, that was meant for someone else. What are you doing tonight?”  This method gets you the response first, before you ask what she’s doing.  This makes it harder for her to ignore you since she’s already responded once.  Now you have to figure out a proper invite to get her to hang out.

“[Insert girly movie], wine, my place?”

It’s a proven fact that girls love romantic comedies and that girls love wine.  And now you’re bringing them both together.  This is the next step up from the college move: “Want to do shots upstairs in my room?”   This text will mostly work with girls whose friends just went home with their husbands/boyfriends/one-night-stands.  She’s going to feel a bit lonely once she realizes that her friends will be in someone’s arms while she sleeps alone at home.  By adding a romantic comedy and wine, you put yourself above the echelon of guys that are just asking her to come over and blow them like Pearl Harbor.  She’ll just think that you’re a sweet guy who wants someone to spend the night with.  That is, until she gets to your place…but then it will already be ‘game over’.

To read more click here

Filed under: I don't remember, drunken devices by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: bars • drunk • drunken devices • one night stands • sex • sexts

I have a few friends in DC and from what I have heard there is a whole intern culture there. If you live in DC and are not an intern you have most likely been annoyed by one, taken advantage of one of or found their antics hysterical. Here is a funny drunk DC intern story from yelp.

“I don’t know if I’m quite ready to share my drunken antics, but one of my all-time favorite drunk stories happened here in DC. It was my friend’s 21st birthday and he was an intern on the Hill. It was a Thursday night so we all went out.. I think to the Pour House. After a couple of hours he’s pretty wasted (not surprising) but manages to disappear. I assume he’s in the bathroom so I send one of his friends to check on him. He’s not there. We scour the bar and we can’t find him anywhere. At this point, I’m calling his cell phone repeatedly to no answer. We leave the bar, I’m still calling him, and finally I reach him. He tells me that he’s headed to the metro to go home. At this point it’s 1am and the metro is closed, but he doesn’t seem to acknowledge this. He tells me he’s on 3rd and C, which isn’t too far away. We run there, he’s nowhere to be found. We think maybe he meant 3rd and C NE, or NW? We start running north, all the while I’m calling him over and over. Finally I get a call:

‘Hello, is this Kathleen?’

‘Umm…. yes it is.’

‘This is Officer So-and-So, I think I’ve got your friend Neil here.’

‘Oh shit, really? Where are you?”’

“He tells me where he is, but we’re just a bunch of stupid interns, so we get lost. I see a police officer along the way and ask for directions. He laughs and says ‘Ohhhhhh, it’s YOUR friend they’ve got over there?!’

“We finally round the corner and I see Neil sitting on the curb, shirt ripped, covered in blood, with about 10 Capitol Policemen standing around him laughing. He still has his intern ID affixed to his beltloop. According to one of the policemen (who could barely get words out he was laughing so hard) they found him in a bush. They would have taken him to the station if they hadn’t gotten in touch with me. I ended up bringing him back to my place where he proceeded to puke all night, wake up at about 10 the next morning and rush back to work in the same clothes. It just happened to be picture day with Sen. McCain…. the picture is pretty priceless.”

Congratulations Neil! You are our Wasted of the Week!

Story via Yelp

Filed under: I don't remember, Wasted of the Week, beer, jail by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: 21 • birthday • celebrate • DC • drunk • intern • legal • pictures • police • Senators • vomit

Drunk jumps on a moving treadmill – Watch more Funny Videos

In light of an article detailing how people who drink more alcohol will exercise more, I thought this video would help to prove that fact. Well, sort of. Be forewarned…easy on the sauce when a treadmill set on high is involved.

Filed under: beer by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: beer • drunk running • funny

Sometimes it is necessary to BYOB. And sometimes when you BYOB you need to disguise it. Maybe you are going to a concert, the movies or out with your teetotaler parents. Whatever the occasion there are plenty of fun ways to still get your drink on.

You can disguise your beer cans with these reusable wraps. Bonus: almost clever fake brand names. Canouflage Beer Can Wraps

Looks like flip flops but they are actually shot shoes. There is flask hidden in each sole. There isn’t room for much alcohol, about 1.5 ounces per shoe, but definitely fun! Reef Men’s Dram Sandal Shoes

This phone won’t go off in the middle of the movie. But it will get you buzzed when your girlfriend drags you to see New Moon for the tenth time. It even has a belt carrying case. Cell Phone Flask

This flask can sit on your shelf and your roommate will never know that is where you keep your vodka. How to Excel in College Flask

Then there are those times you don’t want to hide the alcohol at all. You can take your giant flask on picnics, to parties, or anywhere you need to intoxicate a small group of people. It holds up to 64 ounces! Giant Flask

Filed under: drunken devices, gin, shots, vodka by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: bar • beach • drinking on the go • drunken devices • flask • flask flip flop • fun flasks • giant • hide the alcohol • movies • picnic

“D’you…do YOU…do you know what the Boeing F-15 Eagle jet is? Do you?”

The words slurred out of his drunken mouth while he tried to regale the whole New Year’s Eve party with his knowledge of planes. No one knew who he was talking to since his eyes were pretty much shut completely. Sitting on the couch, everyone knew he was about to pass out…we just didn’t know exactly when. He’d come in and out of conversation when he wasn’t sloppily making out with his girlfriend who was sitting on his lap.

When everyone went to refill their mixed drinks, we came back to him passed out with his head tilted back and drool forming on his open mouth. His girlfriend attempted to wake up him but to no avail. She luckily lived just 4 floors below but he wasn’t moving an inch. She gently patted him on his face. Nothing. Whispered his name in his ear. Nothing. Yelled his name in his ear. Still nothing.

This is where I come in. I knew just what to do. I walked over to him passed out on the couch and slapped straight across his cheek. And HARD. He woke up instantly and winced then passed out again. So I slapped him hard against his other cheek. He opened his eyes and immediately grabbed his swollen and reddened cheek.

“Whhhh-what’d you do that for?”

But he finally slumped up into a somewhat standing position and held onto his girlfriend for the rough walk home. 4 VERY long floors below.

~submitted by Drunken Debbie

Filed under: mix it up by admin
No Comments » Tagged with: crackout blackout • drunk • New Year's Eve • passed out • slap