I went out with some friends last week for Cinco de Mayo at the last minute. I just happened to have my iPad with me. One of my friends knew the bartender and asked for something to write on so we could just give him our drink orders. We had been playing with the drawing application Adobe Ideas where you can draw on the tablet with your fingers. After a few drinks I drew our next order and she held it up for him. It worked pretty well! So the next time you are at happy hour and it’s busy just draw your drink order on your iPad. You don’t have to worry about tall people in front of you or whether or not the bartender can hear you. Just hold it up where the bartender can see it!

Here are some of the best cracked out and blacked out textsfromlastnight:

(319):
On a scale of “impaired judgement” to “Mel Gibson,” how drunk are you?

(316):
Toaster

(757):
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 ‘customer asshole fee’. I have no grounds to dispute it.

(262):
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser

My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little “confusion”. Obviously astrology understands a blackout.

Textsfromlastnight.com is a great database for all those cracking out and blacking out. However, with this latest text it brought up some good questions. What does a crackoutblackout symbolize in a dream? What sort of enlightenment can one glean from a dream during a crackoutblackout? Well, thankfully there are some answers. So next time you decide to get blackout drunk, just think of these three things:

1. Dreaming of drinking beer, wine, etc., in moderation, under happy circumstances—with friends, at a party, etc.—indicates that success lies ahead. However, in any dream of alcohol, there is always the underlying warning that excesses can lead to trouble.

2. If you dream of being drunk, then in some way you are at a disadvantage. Look to other symbols in the dream to judge where this disadvantage lies.

3. If in the dream, you are sober but someone else is drunk, that person, or someone like him or her, could cause trouble for you.

Basically, if you dream about drinking: something good or bad lies ahead. Drinking to excess in a dream means “take heed and proceed with caution”. Totally drunk in a dream? Oh gosh, you’re gonna pay. And lastly, if someone else is drunk…RUN.

Begin with a simple question: Where are you? Bed? Girlfriend’s bed? Mystery bed? Mystery hammock? Don’t panic if you don’t recognize the surroundings. Take stock of what you are wearing. That may lend some clues. If you’re wearing all of your clothes, that’s good. At least no public nudity charges have been filed. Swim trunks? That means you were lucid enough to swim. Naked? That could go either way. Check your clothes for stains — food, grease or blood. Check for smells. Is that cigarette smoke or gasoline? If your clothes are ripped or chewed, you may have gotten in a fight or scaled a fence into a junkyard with guard dogs.

Immediately check your MySpace, Twitter and Facebook to see if you need to delete any comments your drunk mind thought up. Sometimes you can get to them before the recipients do. If YouPorn.com is your last website visited, you didn’t get lucky (unless you count being with yourself “lucky”). Your internet history will also tell you if you did any drunk online shopping, drunk e-mailing, online chatting, blogging or e-stalking of ex-girlfriends.

Calling a girl this late at night comes off as too obvious and can quickly backfire.  She’s going to ask you all those annoying questions like, ‘Why didn’t you call me earlier if you wanted to see me?’.  And she’s going to be able to hear just how fucked up you are when you’re hiccupping and your friends are calling you a homo in the background.  If you’re still at the bar, you’re not going to be able to hear each other anyway. Reverting to a text is the best solution here as you can save some face if she doesn’t respond.  But you need to make sure that you spur interest.  You’re not the only one trying to score, so you need to stick out from the crowd.  The “Wat r u up 2?” isn’t going to cut it this late at night.  Let me also recommend that you text a few girls earlier in the evening.  Simply asking what they are doing that night will show that you were thinking about them sober.  This will improve your chances of meeting should you happen to drunk text them.  So without further ado, here are my top 5 sexts to send to girls when you’re blasted.  These are in no particular order:

“Hey, could you grab milk on the way back?”

You’re probably wondering what the hell this has to do with hooking up.  Stay with me.  Once you text this to a girl, she’s going to send back, ‘What?’  Then you can reply, “Sorry, that was meant for someone else. What are you doing tonight?”  This method gets you the response first, before you ask what she’s doing.  This makes it harder for her to ignore you since she’s already responded once.  Now you have to figure out a proper invite to get her to hang out.

“[Insert girly movie], wine, my place?”

It’s a proven fact that girls love romantic comedies and that girls love wine.  And now you’re bringing them both together.  This is the next step up from the college move: “Want to do shots upstairs in my room?”   This text will mostly work with girls whose friends just went home with their husbands/boyfriends/one-night-stands.  She’s going to feel a bit lonely once she realizes that her friends will be in someone’s arms while she sleeps alone at home.  By adding a romantic comedy and wine, you put yourself above the echelon of guys that are just asking her to come over and blow them like Pearl Harbor.  She’ll just think that you’re a sweet guy who wants someone to spend the night with.  That is, until she gets to your place…but then it will already be ‘game over’.

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You can disguise your beer cans with these reusable wraps. Bonus: almost clever fake brand names. Canouflage Beer Can Wraps

Looks like flip flops but they are actually shot shoes. There is flask hidden in each sole. There isn’t room for much alcohol, about 1.5 ounces per shoe, but definitely fun! Reef Men’s Dram Sandal Shoes

This phone won’t go off in the middle of the movie. But it will get you buzzed when your girlfriend drags you to see New Moon for the tenth time. It even has a belt carrying case. Cell Phone Flask

This flask can sit on your shelf and your roommate will never know that is where you keep your vodka. How to Excel in College Flask

Then there are those times you don’t want to hide the alcohol at all. You can take your giant flask on picnics, to parties, or anywhere you need to intoxicate a small group of people. It holds up to 64 ounces! Giant Flask

(via delish.com)

I, like many, am a huge Mad Men fan. I often ponder why things can’t be like they did back then. Drinking at 2 in the afternoon in the office, sipping from high-balls and Hot

Toddys. If only. But luckily Dyna Moe of Nobody’s Sweetheart has made up these j’adorable cheat sheets on how to drink like a Mad Men. Round me up a Mint Julep and I’ll finish it off with an Old Fashioned.

This cheat sheet is your Drunken Device of the Week. Now the next time you go to a bar, be sure to order up something to make Mr. Don Draper proud.

(via the WOW Report)

Sony recently announced a new gadget, the Sony Party Shot. It is “an automatic photographer.” I love taking party pictures and I can see this is a little far fetched. Their press release describes it as “an innovative camera dock that pans 360 degrees and tilts 24 degrees, automatically detects faces, adjusts composition and takes photos for you.” Is this really what the world is coming to? People are too lazy to take their own pictures? I think taking pictures is half the fun.

The press release justifies the gadget’s existence saying “This device makes it easy to capture more natural expressions and fun, candid moments of you, your family and friends without having to hire a photographer.” Yes, it does make it easier if you don’t mind a little robot in the middle of your table spinning and flashing at you without warning.  Sounds to me like another drunken party guest.

Andrew Salomone’s interactive JELL-O Shot Bill Cosby. I bet Cosby never saw this coming. Brilliant.