There is a big party in fall every year for the Wall Street set. A bunch of people in my department at work were going and they invited me. I got all dressed up and was excited to meet some new people. I got to the party a little late but people were already having a good time. I found my friends and then the open bar. My friends and I started dancing and the drinks kept flowing. I met a guy from my company and we ended up dancing and drinking the night away. I got really drunk. Open bars and dancing don’t mix well for me. We got a cab and he was going to deep me off at home. I was drunk but not that drunk. Our cab driver decided to stop at a gas station and my friend got out. To get a drink. The cab driver gets. Back in the car and we were waiting for my new friend. I started to feel sick so I casually opened the door and let it all out. Then I felt fine. The cab driver of course got angry and kicked me out. I tried to tell him I was fine but he wouldn’t listen. So there I was standing outside of the gas station all dressed up and no one to take me home. My new friend finally came out and asked me where the cab was. We finally found another one and I made my way home.

The next morning I was so hung over. I’d never felt so bad in my entire life. I wasn’t the only one. You could hear the moans and the “Did I really drink that much? Why did I do that?” all day. Thankfully it was a Friday and we had the weekend to recover.

Submitted by Drunken Debbie

Image via Dealbreaker

Take a drink when:

Anyone says Braverman
There is an argument
Someone cries
There is a family gathering
Take 2 drinks if they show the Parenthood Lowes commercial.

If you really want to get drunk take a drink anytime someone has a problem with a kid.

Please drink responsibly and watch the Parenthood on Tuesday nights at 10 PM EST on NBC.

OK, so it could go one of three ways: a) one and done in under one (minute), b) keeps going and going and going…. or c) no success and he’s ralphing in the john. Gross.

However, Ron Burgundy was right. It’s just SCIENCE. And it shows that 30% of men who drank had fewer problems during sex. It makes sense because alcohol makes gets people a little more inhibited and more adventurous in bed.

College Candy suggests, “I guess offering guys just one more beer before heading home for a romp session is the best way to guarantee some pleasure. In fact, maybe I should keep a little beer stocked in the mini fridge next to my bed. You can never be too prepared.”

(via College Candy, Jezebel)

We got back to his apartment and were fooling around when we realized he didn’t have any protection. So he left me to go get some. Of course this was about 4:30 AM and he had to travel a bit before he finally purchased the necessary item and returned. It was about 5:30 at this time and I was passed out on his bed. He finally woke me and we proceeded to have a great time. So great that we broke the bed. But it doesn’t end there, no. That would be too easy. Not only did we break the bed but I ended up in a hole in the middle of the bed. And I was stuck in that hole. Now we were both still drunk, but I tried, he tried and we both tried to get out of that hole in the middle of the broken bed. But no, I was so stuck that he had to go find his roommate and they both finally dragged my naked, sorry ass out of the middle of his broken bed.

- Submitted by Drunken Debbie
Image via Flickr Steve Hopson

I went to a friends housewarming party one night. I had about 5 jello shots and two margaritas when I found a piñata shaped like a dog in their garage. I decided to take it for a walk outside. I was staggering down the street dragging my fake dog when I happened upon another drunk carrying a full sheet cake he had stolen from his party. He saw my piñata and we struck up a conversation. For some reason we decided to stuff the cake piece by piece into the piñata. We snuck into an open garage and stole a mop. Then we hung the piñata from a tree and beat it until we were covered in frosting. One of my friends found us asleep under the tree the next morning with dried frosting all over us. To this day, I can’t eat cake.

- Submitted by Drunken Debbie

Image via Flickr compton_830

Q: What’s the best way to get rid of a guy you have zero interest in at the bar? Especially when he keeps buying you drinks? Do you suck it up, play nice and allow him the occasional grope in exchange for free booze?

A: This is something you have to figure out for yourself, guy by guy. But here are some guidelines to help you decide.

• Free drinks are awesome, no doubt about that. But be careful if you are letting a guy buy you drinks. Especially if you don’t have any interest in him or get bad vibes. If you are letting a guy you’ve just met buy you drinks make sure you go to the bar with him and get the drink yourself so there is no opportunity for him to drug you. And if you get bad vibes steer clear. No need to hang around this guy even for free drinks. It’s best to stay on the safe side.
• Don’t take advantage. I think it is fine to let a guy buy you a drink as long as you take the time to talk to him and don’t disappear as soon as the drink is in your hand. Maybe you will end up liking him. You never know. And if he’s bought you two drinks and you don’t really don’t like him be polite and excuse yourself. Say it was nice talking to you but I have to find my friends, leave or whatever.
• You may decide that you don’t want to waste your time with someone you don’t like when there is the opportunity to find someone you do like who will buy you drinks. There might be someone else at the bar who could get along with this guy. It might be nice to allow someone else the opportunity to hang out with him and get to know him. Even if he is a douche bag.
• If it is someone you know who has always liked you but you do not feel the same way I would say no. Especially if they are drunk. It’s not really fair to lead them on and it will only complicate things.
• Sometimes a girl just needs a couple of drinks and a grope. Go for it! Even if it’s just for fun and you don’t like the guy you don’t have to take him home for the night or the rest of your life. Just be safe!

- Submitted by Drunken Debbie via formspring

Image via flickr TatianaGoldmannova

Q. What is the proper etiquette for when you awaken next to a person whilst still in a drunken haze from the night before and can’t remember their name?

A. I often forget people’s names even when I am not drunk. This is a great question.

First of all does it really matter? Do you care? Are you going to see them again? If you just want it to be a one night stand then I wouldn’t worry too much about it. But if you are interested in going there again here are some tips.

• If you are at their place and you wake up first, look around and see if you can find any clues for their name. You can do a visual scan of the room from the bed or wherever you have ended up. I really hope they don’t have any cheesy signs in their room with their name on it but it would solve the problem.
• If you think you can get up without waking them go into the bathroom and see if there are any prescriptions in the medicine cabinet. If you see a name that sounds familiar that could be it. But if you can get confirmation that is key. Checking the bathroom is best as you can do this with the door closed and probably won’t get caught and look creepy. Hopefully they won’t have any roommates as that complicates the process.
• If you can find some mail this is also helpful as it could help confirm their name and the address of where you are, if you don’t know where you ended up.
• You can also check their phone/smartphone and look for emails or texts that should have a name located somewhere. If they catch you looking at their phone you could always say that you were just putting your number in to save them the trouble. If it’s already there you could say you are a little drunk and forgot that it was already there. This would work if you were at your own home as well.
• If you are at your place and they are already awake you could check your phone to see if there are any new additions in the contacts. If not then you could hand them your phone and ask them to put the number in.
• If they make you put their number in you could quickly google it in quotes and you might find their name.
• You could ask if they have a card, although it would be last resort after you’ve done the deed. Formality kind of goes out the window at that point.
• Ask them if they are on twitter. Some people use their name as their twitter handle. If you have a smart phone you could check it out quickly and usually find their name in the bio section. Or you could hop on your computer, sign into your twitter and follow them.
• If all else fails BE HONEST. Sometimes you just have to fess up. Chances are if you are drunk and in bed with someone you’ve only just met they are probably drunk too and may not remember your name either. Tell them you are really sorry but you got super drunk last night and you remember the amazing time you had but for some reason their name has fallen into the black hole of your hangover. Tell them your name and ask them for theirs and laugh it off. It is just something that happens at times.

I arrived at the club where the benefit was being held all decked out in a gorgeous limited edition dress that looked like it was made for me. I didn’t know anyone there but I had decided I was going to network and had a tiny purse full of business cards. I was a little nervous to introduce myself to people but I knew once the dancing started I wouldn’t be alone for long. I drank while I was working up the nerve to start a conversation. I tried not to drink too fast but I didn’t have anything else to do. One drink turned into two. I found a few people to talk to and finally the dancing started. I danced for a while with my new friend and then we were hot so we hit the bar. Again.

I was getting tipsy after three margaritas in a span of two hours. The tipsier I was, the sassier I got. I found a young guy sitting by himself about 20 minutes before the benefit was over. I decided that I would ask him to dance. He was a little shy and I told him not to be. Young Guy and I were dancing and talking. I was having a good time. He asked me for my number and I gave him my card, one of many I had handed out that evening.

Once the benefit was over I teetered over the cobblestones in my super high heels to my friend’s place. It’s a wonder I didn’t fall on my face. I told myself I wouldn’t stay long. It was weeknight after all. I really wanted to see my friend. I hadn’t seen him in months. Then I would go home.

I got to the party and he was nowhere to be found. I was talking to some very nice people and they offered me a drink. I said no, I wasn’t drinking anymore that night. Then a little while I decided to have a little wine. I kept looking for my friend and every time I found him he disappeared into the crowd. So I grabbed an empty chair to rest my aching feet. An older guy sat down and started talking to me. I really didn’t want to talk to him but I did want to sit down. I gave him my card because it was networking night and I had lost my common sense with the third margarita. Someone came by with a couple of drinks and offered me one. I took it thinking it would maybe make this annoying old guy disappear. It was really good so I drank it quickly and when he came by again half an hour later I got another one. Needless to say I was flat out drunk by this time. The next thing I knew the old guy I was talking to was making out with me. I didn’t want to but I wasn’t sure how to make it stop in my drunken state. Finally I got him off of me and went outside for some fresh air.

I went back inside and was taking lots of pictures. I asked someone to take a picture of me in my hot dress. I started doing all these drunken poses and then they dropped my camera on the floor. I picked it up to survey the damage almost falling on the floor myself. The lens was stuck out and it wouldn’t go back in. I tired to push it but it wouldn’t go back in. I was devastated. I didn’t leave the house without my camera. This sobered me up a little bit and I remembered I still hadn’t talked to my friend. I was ready to go home and cry but I at least had to say hello to him first.

I finally found him and we started having a conversation. After we had been talking for a while I realized that everyone had left and it was just the two of us. We were both leaning up against the wall in the kitchen chatting. The next thing I knew he was making out with me.  I couldn’t believe it. I really didn’t think I was his type and he was 40 years older than me. Two older guys had tried to take advantage of me in one evening. It was time to leave. Somehow, I got control of myself and told him I needed to go home. I looked for my coat and it was gone. Someone had stolen my favorite coat! My camera, my honor and my coat were all gone. I was incredibly upset. He gave me one of his coats and walked me downstairs to get a cab.

I got in the cab and thankfully it wasn’t a long ride. I was almost home, then I leaned over and started puking in the back of the cab. The driver started grumbling and cursing and I instinctively held up the $20 I had in my hand over the partition while I continued to puke. Once I stopped I told him to just pull over and let me out. He obliged and I handed him the $20. I hobbled a few steps to a lamppost and put my hand on it to steady myself and then puked again. Finally having it all out I dragged my sorry ass back to my apartment.

The next morning I woke up and sleepily looked at the clock. It was 10:30 AM. I was supposed to be at work 2 hours ago. Oh god. I threw on a robe and ran to brush my teeth and wash my face quickly. As I was washing my face the doorbell rang. “What NOW?!” I thought as I ran to answer it. There were 10 people outside of my apartment. They needed to check a leak. I was so pissed. “You have to come back in half an hour!” I shouted. I slammed the door and quickly threw on some clothes. I didn’t even know what time I got home last night. I obviously hadn’t turned on my alarm.

I ran downstairs and it was pouring rain. So helpful. I got in a cab and called work to tell them I had overslept and was on my way. After I hung up the phone I realized that they were taking me out to lunch that day for a belated Administrative Professionals Day gift. Because I was “such a great find” and “so good at what I did.” Oh my god. It was only getting worse as the taxi meter ticked off the miles.

I finally arrived at work. The news anchor on the television at my desk was wearing a neon green shirt and I had to look away. I was still a little drunk and the colors were going to make me sick. We were leaving for lunch soon. I really didn’t want sit close to my co-workers for an hour and the last thing I wanted to do was eat but I had no choice.

I survived lunch and their teasing and was starting to feel a little bit better. I checked my email that afternoon and I had a message from Young Guy asking me out. I had no idea what I’d said to him and was embarrassed so ignored it. Twenty minutes later I got another email this time from the older guy whose name was apparently James. “I was kissing your lips and then you disappeared into the night…” OH MY GOD! I remembered I made out with two older guys! Could it get any worse? Oh yes, it could. My leg started itching so I rolled up my pants to see why. There was a huge gash on my knee that I hadn’t noticed in my rush to get out the door. It all came back to me. I was walking out of Cable Guy’s house and I tripped and fell flat on my face in my drunken state. I guess I scraped up my knee in the process. I was horrified.

As the day wore on I realized the potential for more disaster. Had I puked on my brand new limited edition dress or shoes? Could my camera be fixed? I couldn’t even access the pictures to put together the forgotten pieces of the night. I finally escaped the office and ran to the camera shop conveniently located across the street. There was nothing they could do to fix it. They said I would have to send it off to the manufacturer but it would be cheaper and worth it to just buy a new one. I didn’t know what to do. I never left the house without my camera and I couldn’t afford to buy a new one. I only had that one for six months.

I raced home after the bad news almost sick again about what might have happened to my brand new amazing dress and shoes. I looked around but I didn’t see them anywhere. I went to my closet to find that even though I was extremely inebriated I not only managed to avoid my dress and shoes in the process of puking but I also hung up my dress, put my shoes back in their box and my little purse back in it’s protective bag. Whew. I sighed a sigh of relief thinking it was all over and went to my bed to pass out.  Little did I know that this evening would haunt me for an untold amount of time.

Three days later, I got another email from Young Guy telling me that I had helped him to overcome his shyness and I shouldn’t be the shy one now. I still ignored him completely embarrassed at my drunken behavior. I just wanted the madness to stop.

Eight months later I was at Cable Guy’s home again for a party. I brought along a friend for protection and gave myself a two drink maximum. I was talking to some friends and I saw a guy I remembered from the night of debauchery. I remembered he was nice so I struck up a conversation with him.  He said that he tried to email me afterward but I never got back to him. “Oh you did? I don’t remember that.” Then it all came rushing back. I had mistaken his email as being from another older guy. I didn’t even remember kissing him! THREE older men had taken me advantage of that night not just two! Stunned, I said I had been really busy and was horrible at emailing people back. I politely left the conversation and dragged my friend upstairs into a bathroom to tell her the latest and make sure I wasn’t having a nightmare. After she finished laughing hysterically I noticed a pair of lacy panties on the sink. Cable Guy lived alone and was known to be a ladies man. I looked at my friend and said “Well, at least I made it out with my underwear!”

- Submitted by Drunken Debbie

Image via flickr tantra9360

Umeboshi plums are plums pickled with salt. If you eat one after drinking too much it helps get rid of the hangover effects.

Kukicha Tea is a twig tea that also has centering properties. It does have some caffeine but not as much as coffee. You can drink it with some umeboshi plum paste or slice up a little bit of an umeboshi plum and put it in the tea. Make sure you let it steep for five minutes and drink all of the tea so you get the plum which normally settles at the bottom. I’ve seen it transform people who have had a few too many martinis.

Baking soda can be used in a couple of ways too. You can put a 1/4 of a teaspoon of baking soda in a 1/4 of a cup of water, stir it up and drink it. You can also soak in a tub with baking soda. It helps to draw out the toxins in your body from the excess alcohol.

Peppermint tea throughout the day helps with digestion.

Lavender has many uses in hangover cures. You can drink lavender tea or use lavender essential oils in an aromatherapy diffuser or in a hot bath. It will help you sleep and soothe your muscles. This is especially helpful if your path to destruction involved dancing.

I asked Bethenny Frankel last year what her favorite natural hangover remedies are and she said that Synergy kombucha and Emergen-C were her favorites, “But sometimes you just have to suffer.”

This is true. Sometimes you just have to suffer.

What are your favorite natural hangover remedies? And as always, we’d love to hear how you got to that hangover in the first place! Email us your stories info@crackoutblackout.com.

“D’you…do YOU…do you know what the Boeing F-15 Eagle jet is? Do you?”

The words slurred out of his drunken mouth while he tried to regale the whole New Year’s Eve party with his knowledge of planes. No one knew who he was talking to since his eyes were pretty much shut completely. Sitting on the couch, everyone knew he was about to pass out…we just didn’t know exactly when. He’d come in and out of conversation when he wasn’t sloppily making out with his girlfriend who was sitting on his lap.

When everyone went to refill their mixed drinks, we came back to him passed out with his head tilted back and drool forming on his open mouth. His girlfriend attempted to wake up him but to no avail. She luckily lived just 4 floors below but he wasn’t moving an inch. She gently patted him on his face. Nothing. Whispered his name in his ear. Nothing. Yelled his name in his ear. Still nothing.

This is where I come in. I knew just what to do. I walked over to him passed out on the couch and slapped straight across his cheek. And HARD. He woke up instantly and winced then passed out again. So I slapped him hard against his other cheek. He opened his eyes and immediately grabbed his swollen and reddened cheek.

“Whhhh-what’d you do that for?”

But he finally slumped up into a somewhat standing position and held onto his girlfriend for the rough walk home. 4 VERY long floors below.

~submitted by Drunken Debbie