Derek Waters has been entertaining and educating the masses with his hilarious Drunk History videos for a couple years now.  If you haven’t seen it before, he gets someone drunk and has them talk about “an historic event” on camera. Then he films actors like Jack Black, Michael Cera and Zooey Deschanel reenacting the story exactly as it was told drunk. This sometimes includes hiccups. The clips are featured on Funny or Die and You Tube.

Funny or Die now has a show on HBO, Funny or Die Presents. It airs Friday nights at midnight. You can now watch Drunk History on the bigger screen! Bonus of Drunk History on TV? Better video quality and bigger stars. Will Ferrell stars in the first episode. You don’t even have to wait for the video to load! Jen Kirkman is featured in the first episode of Drunk History. She is hilarious so I am awarding her Wasted of the Week!

Here is a clip:

“I don’t know if I’m quite ready to share my drunken antics, but one of my all-time favorite drunk stories happened here in DC. It was my friend’s 21st birthday and he was an intern on the Hill. It was a Thursday night so we all went out.. I think to the Pour House. After a couple of hours he’s pretty wasted (not surprising) but manages to disappear. I assume he’s in the bathroom so I send one of his friends to check on him. He’s not there. We scour the bar and we can’t find him anywhere. At this point, I’m calling his cell phone repeatedly to no answer. We leave the bar, I’m still calling him, and finally I reach him. He tells me that he’s headed to the metro to go home. At this point it’s 1am and the metro is closed, but he doesn’t seem to acknowledge this. He tells me he’s on 3rd and C, which isn’t too far away. We run there, he’s nowhere to be found. We think maybe he meant 3rd and C NE, or NW? We start running north, all the while I’m calling him over and over. Finally I get a call:

‘Hello, is this Kathleen?’

‘Umm…. yes it is.’

‘This is Officer So-and-So, I think I’ve got your friend Neil here.’

‘Oh shit, really? Where are you?”’

“He tells me where he is, but we’re just a bunch of stupid interns, so we get lost. I see a police officer along the way and ask for directions. He laughs and says ‘Ohhhhhh, it’s YOUR friend they’ve got over there?!’

“We finally round the corner and I see Neil sitting on the curb, shirt ripped, covered in blood, with about 10 Capitol Policemen standing around him laughing. He still has his intern ID affixed to his beltloop. According to one of the policemen (who could barely get words out he was laughing so hard) they found him in a bush. They would have taken him to the station if they hadn’t gotten in touch with me. I ended up bringing him back to my place where he proceeded to puke all night, wake up at about 10 the next morning and rush back to work in the same clothes. It just happened to be picture day with Sen. McCain…. the picture is pretty priceless.”

Congratulations Neil! You are our Wasted of the Week!

Story via Yelp

Check out this video from WEAU News about one such Santa: Drunk Santa Scares Kids Congratulations Drunk Santa! You are our Wasted of the Week!

Apparently world leaders have crackout blackouts too. According to the Taylor Branch’s new book The Clinton Tapes, Boris Yeltsin had a few crackout blackouts at the White House during Bill Clinton’s term. One night he was spotted in his undies looking for a cab to get some pizza. Poor guy! He was just hungry. I guess he wasn’t aware of delivery.

Another unrelated incident had Mr. Yeltsin found by the secret service drunk in the basement. They thought he was an intruder. Nope, just another drunken President. It’s too bad he’s gone now. Sounds like he knew how to have a good time. Mr. Yeltsin, you are our Wasted of the Week.

Bless you Bill Clinton for telling the tale and Taylor Branch for publishing it.

From the Associated Press:

“Thu Sep 10, 4:07 pm ET

MADEIRA BEACH, Fla. – A 41-year-old man was arrested on Monday at at Madeira Beach after witnesses said he repeatedly pretended to drown, then allegedly began tossing jellyfish at nearby teenagers. According to a sheriff’s office report, Keith Edward Marriott caused “concern for his safety” when he repeatedly submerged himself and floated back to the top of the water. He was also “loud and disruptive.”

He then started throwing the sea creatures.

Marriott was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon. According to the St. Petersburg Times, Marriott was carrying a pocketknife in his shorts.

Jail records indicate that Marriott was being held on $250 bond. A message left after-hours at the public defender’s office was not immediately returned late Tuesday night.”

Image via flickr TASTENYC

Day One- Since getting laid off (okay it’s been six months now), life has been a cycle of drinking, boys, hangover, and Seamless.

Day Two- 1PM:  Wake up and remember nothing about the night. I think I brought someone home though not really sure because he’s not there in the morning. I almost want to ask my doorman if I came home alone last night, but I make the executive decision not to.

1 AM: We all head to Marquee, where I catch the eye of a handsome boy in an Hermès tie and immediately start eye-BJ-ing him. He is a 28-year-old M.D. who graduated from Yale. He buys me SoCo-lime shots and I tell him that 28 years old is too young to be an M.D. He responds that he’s just that good. His friends back him up. (They go back to his place and hook up)

Day Three- 8 AM:  He freaks out and asks me to leave. I angrily storm out and the doorman asks me if I was with the twins last night. I say their little brother and he laughs. When I get home, I look him up on Facebook and see that he graduated HIGH SCHOOL in 2009. He is 17 YEARS OLD and it was his parents’ penthouse in the city.

Day Four- 1 AM: Run into an ex-hookup who introduces me to his two best friends. I realize that I have hooked up with both of his friends at previous times and that I met them all at the same bar months ago. We awkwardly explain that we all know each other. How did NYC become like college??

Day Five: 3 AM.: Drunk and horny, I send a mass text to all of my hookups asking what they are doing tonight. An old Morgan intern friend turned hookup responds and we plan to meet at his.

Day Seven: 8 AM: Do the walk of shame home from the Boat Basin and kind of over it all. Remember that I actually used to be smart and care about other things in my life. Make a mental note to read the newspaper today and perhaps even try to find a job.

You can read the diary in it’s entirety here.

Via nymag.com