Crackout Blackout

Free in Vegas

admin — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 14:30:06 +0000

I have to travel a lot for business with my co-workers. My boss is very reserved and quiet. She likes to go to dinner with us but she never goes crazy or drinks very much. That is until we got to Vegas. We were all having dinner at the Bellagio and I had a very large margarita on the table. It had been sitting there unattended for about 10 minutes and then out of nowhere my boss said “Are you gonna drink that?” Before I could answer she had chugged it down. It wasn’t long before she got crazy. She was running around the hotel kissing people and putting flowers in their hair. She was drinking everything in sight and starting to take off her clothes. “I feel so freeeeeeeeee!” she said as she ran out into the middle of traffic on Las Vegas Boulevard. We had to run after her grabbing her clothes as she threw them off and dodged the cars. We finally dragged her back to the hotel and got her covered up before depositing her into her hotel room. We went to dinner again the next night and she barely said 5 words. I don’t think we’ll be having that problem again anytime soon. Really, what is it about Vegas that makes normal people so crazy?

- Submitted by Wasted Willy

Image via Flickr karl151k

Journalistic crackoutblackout.

admin — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:30:28 +0000

Leave it to the New York Post to come up with a surefire crackoutblackout plan such as this. They sent an underage intern of theirs to several New York bars to see if he would be carded. So says the Post:

He got served at an astonishing 17 of 30 establishments — 57 percent — despite the stores and gin joints facing fines up to $10,000 and the loss of their state liquor licenses.

Many of the spots, selected randomly from among 132 places with underage State Liquor Authority violations from May 1, 2009 to May 1, 2010, never bothered to ask the college sophomore for his ID — a valid New Jersey driver’s license showing his birthday, Aug. 29, 1989.

At Kate’s Joint, at 58 Ave. B, a female bartender asked for his ID, looked at the license briefly and poured the intern a Blue Moon draft, waving at the owner herself, Kate, as she sat at the bar, which had two signs cautioning that drinking was not legal for those under 21.

Her only question: “Would you like some orange wedges with that?”

Hey, at least they’re making sure the kid gets some sustenance before he cracks out and blacks out! For the record, we here at Crackoutblackout don’t condone underage drinking.

Psych. Crackoutblackout style.

admin — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 13:30:32 +0000

Psych is one of my fav shows but it never ceases to amaze with the sneaky lines thanks to the quippy stylings of James Roday. Here is one of the better odes to crackoutblackout:

via tumblr

Open Bars Mean Trouble

admin — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 18:06:49 +0000

There is a big party in fall every year for the Wall Street set. A bunch of people in my department at work were going and they invited me. I got all dressed up and was excited to meet some new people. I got to the party a little late but people were already having a good time. I found my friends and then the open bar. My friends and I started dancing and the drinks kept flowing. I met a guy from my company and we ended up dancing and drinking the night away. I got really drunk. Open bars and dancing don’t mix well for me. We got a cab and he was going to deep me off at home. I was drunk but not that drunk. Our cab driver decided to stop at a gas station and my friend got out. To get a drink. The cab driver gets. Back in the car and we were waiting for my new friend. I started to feel sick so I casually opened the door and let it all out. Then I felt fine. The cab driver of course got angry and kicked me out. I tried to tell him I was fine but he wouldn’t listen. So there I was standing outside of the gas station all dressed up and no one to take me home. My new friend finally came out and asked me where the cab was. We finally found another one and I made my way home.

The next morning I was so hung over. I’d never felt so bad in my entire life. I wasn’t the only one. You could hear the moans and the “Did I really drink that much? Why did I do that?” all day. Thankfully it was a Friday and we had the weekend to recover.

Submitted by Drunken Debbie

Image via Dealbreaker

Crackoutblackout Sarcasm-style.

admin — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 13:30:22 +0000

via Post Rejects

I’m too old for this.

admin — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 13:30:01 +0000

I had forgotten that the legal drinking age in Canada was 18. Last weekend I was at a bar and this group of youngins waltzed in. They looked not a day over 12. But I was giving them the benefit of the doubt. One of the more boisterous boys (surrounded by oogling teenage lusty girls) pulled one of his best friends to the side. It looked like he was going to give him a heart to heart but instead said:

“Oh my God! That was probably the best thing EVER!” he shouted to his friend but affectively to the whole bar as well. “Who ever thought a shot in a pint of beer was a good thing!”

Yep, they had to be under 21. As I was departing the bar, I went up to the bouncer and asked what the legal drinking age was in Canada.

“It’s 18 but those kids in there keep trying to get their other friends in by swapping IDs…I had to kick about 4 of them out already.”

Word to the wise, youngins. Don’t go to Canada to get your crunk on. They’ll see right through you. Plus you just make me feel old to be around you.

Pukey Brewster

admin — Thu, 27 May 2010 18:34:56 +0000

I went home for memorial day weekend last year. I had plans to hang out with friends from childhood one last time as a group before we all got married over the next year. We relived our fun times as 80’s kids watching some of our favorite shows on DVD while getting drunk on Kool Aid and vodka. One of the shows we watched was Punky Brewster, which I hadn’t seen since the scary episode where they went camping and the kids turned into spiders. It scarred me for life.

It was late and my fiancé and I were drunk so my friend who doesn’t drink got his brand new rental car to drive us home. My fiancé was sitting up front and out of nowhere he started puking all over the console of the brand new car. My friend had to pull over so he could clean it up but by the time we pulled over he started puking himself. What a mess and guess who got to clean it up? I still call my now husband Pukey Brewster to this day. No more Kool Aid and vodka!

Best of the Best. Part Deux.

admin — Tue, 25 May 2010 13:30:04 +0000

Here are some of the better TFLN from the past few days. Don’t worry, not only are they are all crackoutblackout approved but also approved by drunk grandma:

FML

admin — Thu, 20 May 2010 14:30:47 +0000

I was out for happy hour with some friends after work a few weeks ago. I got home at a decent hour but was still wasted. I got off the subway at my stop and was stumbling when I tripped up the stairs. In the process I knocked a stick out of my way and to the bottom of the two flights of stairs. I then noticed it had been attached to the person next to me who was blind and fumbling around for his white cane saying, “FML, FML.” I managed to sober up enough to help him retrieve it. Thankfully he had no idea I was the cause of his trouble.

- Submitted by Drunken Debbie

How to use masking tape as drunk art

admin — Tue, 18 May 2010 13:30:58 +0000

I think this can become a noveau riche art form. Just place some masking tape on the ground and trace your drunken stumbles. Even Marcel Duchamp would be proud.